I've started thinking lately about how different life has been lately. Where I was last year, the year before, and so on. How far I have come how much I have healed. It was my personal decision to stop taking the "suggested" meds and to be perfectly honest I feel normal again. I don't have that daily chronic pain and other side effects I was suffering from before. I am going to do a little more research on the anti-hormones and make a decision definitely from there. But, knowing how I feel now; I don't think at this point I am going to change my mind. The side effects were really affecting me in a bad way. I couldn't stay awake all day taking sometimes several mini naps to get through the day. What was I really able to accomplish … nothing. I could barely get myself up and moving every day almost taking three to four hours to move after having my breakfast every morning. I just felt numb and heavy and just wanted to sleep and not move around. The constant headaches are gone, the insomnia is gone, and a few other side effects that I was having that prevented me from living what I call a normal life.
I knew when I saw the doctor that day that I needed to have done my research and had all my notes in order to explain everything in detail to her not just that I stopped taking them because I didn't want to. There were actual reasons why and I needed to convey that to her. She was understanding especially knowing how horribly I reacted to the Verzenio a few years ago and they removed me from it immediately.
I gave it as much time as I could to make that decision before I started to realize how horribly it was affecting my life. I still tire out very easily but that is just because I need to build up my strength and stamina. My body has been through a virtual boxing match with the chemo, radiation, surgeries, biopsies, blood transfusion, and then eventual double mastectomy. I just could no longer take the chronic pain and the weighted feeling every day. If I was going to move forward in my life I had to ensure that I could do it without pain or without barriers. That is what the medications made me feel like they were barriers to me moving forward.
I've already experienced a reoccurrence once, you just deal with what comes along. I am seeing the doctor on a regular basis and just had my labs come back and they are looking very good. I just don't feel those medications were providing the benefit to me that they claimed to do. In my opinion they were holding me back. I have been held back from life for over three years now; it's time to move forward as pain free as possible.
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